For Entertainment Purposes Only

To heck with John Kerry and Howard Dean. Let's talk about Michael Jackson. He is always good for a laugh. His pal, spoon-bending psychic Uri Geller, tells us that Jackson never molested a child. How does Geller know? Because Jackson denied being a molester, under hypnosis of course.

I can't tell you how relieved I am. Who needs judges and juries when you have Uri Geller. Now that we have settled this issue, Mark Geragos can devote his time to Scott Peterson and Leonard Muhammad can head back to Chicago. The rest of us will have to find our entertainment elsewhere.

Speaking of Peterson, did you know that California towns were competing for the right to host his trial? I kid you not. I read it in the New York Times so it must be true. I would have thought that no one would want news satellite trucks, blocked traffic and infamy. But what do I know? The lure of reporters with expense accounts must make up for the inconvenience.

Anyway, San Mateo County is the winner. America has now sunk to such a low that murder trials are seen as economic development tools. I can't force CNN and MSNBC to report real news, but I can and do turn the channel when I hear the words Laci or Scott.

How do the media determine which murder case should be over reported? I think it helps to have victims with names like Laci and mistresses named Amber. Oops. I have been paying attention. Et tu Freedom Rider?